One of the most unsympathetic people in the world is the one who has never had pain. They’ve never lost a loved one and suffered the all-enveloping grief and soul-crushing depression that can come with knowing that you never see their smile or feel hugged by them again. Never again hear that voice in conversation offering advice you may, or may not need.
Feeling such an empty hole in their life hasn’t ever happened to them, and they can’t comprehend that kind of pain. It’s not that they choose to ignore your emotions, they simply cannot feel what they have never experienced. And therefore, they have no understanding why the death of someone has affected your life so drastically. They do care, but they don’t understand.
The same misunderstanding occurs when someone experiences extreme, ongoing physical pain. Most victims of injury could tell you of having an acquaintance, a friend, or a family member who does their very best to show sympathy, saying words of condolence and encouragement. But having real understanding and empathy? No. How can they? If they have never walked down that road? Having an injury that takes months to heal, or having life-long debilitating pain can affect a person in real emotional and mental ways, and someone who hasn’t ‘been there’ simply cannot understand.
Along the same lines, a person who has never had the unique experience of actually pushing a tiny infant from their body during labor has no chance of honestly saying, “I totally understand the excruciating pain you went through to hold tiny Junior in your arms.” They can read about it, hear lectures on it, or even watch it. But they cannot know it for themselves. I guess that is why young mothers enjoy comparing labor stories with other young mothers. Pain loves to be heard, and pain understands pain.
This is why I say that hurting is important to us. To enable us to truly empathize with someone else. Empathy means ‘to actually know and understand thru personal experience.’ A sympathetic person without true personal knowledge can only offer encouragement and compassion, but not empathy. Never having experienced that kind of pain leaves them at a loss. So, to the hurting, our words may seem rather artificial. The one who is hurting can sense whether you know what they are going thru. But that is all we can do- offer our uneducated sympathy and our help.
Our Creator knows all this. And He also knows we need someone who truly empathizes when we are hurting. We need someone who not only cares but also truly understands, down to their very core. I believe that is why He allows us to hurt. So that we can actually empathize and be there for each other.
Pain and suffering are a part of living on earth; that is something no one can escape. And enduring pain all alone is so much harder.
God knows that too.
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